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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has long been the comfort zone for daily publications, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and key events, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to find out that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Reflect for a moment regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and was rescued from an empty Oakwell stadium post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and had lost his mobile phone and his cap,” stated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity at Manchester City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college to use the facilities during 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched struggling national team changing area right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to save the circumstance.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “soulless”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with strong principles … however all remained silent. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a chilly look. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What does a name matter? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|